Released from the Domestic Bubble
Things I Should Have Told My Husband About The School Run
Out I float into the ‘real world’. Quite where I have been for the last 12 years is a mystery, but it is generally accepted that ‘we’ (my Comrades on the Domestic Front) live in a ‘bubble’ which we occasionaly leave for 3/4 weeks in the long summer holidays, experience life out of the bubble and scurry back with hair-raising tales of how things are done in Dorset or Manchester. Let’s be fair. Life in this bubble is pretty easy.
I have made the train, travelling to my full-time course. Like a pregnant first time mother not seeing past the birth, I am remembering things I should have told my husband about the school run:
- Marshall the troops 10 mins before you actually want them to get in the car.
- The youngest child may have the most bags but he will remember them all. The eldest will leave that up to you.
- Don’t expect anyone to let you out of the driveway. This is Monday morning, not the weekend.
- Eldest daughter will not kiss you goodbye, or middle or youngest sons. Even 7 yr olds are aware of their playground image. You will be lucky to receive a goodbye grunt.
- Avoid all conversation with anyone wearing make-up. They have obviously been up since the crack of dawn, and will be better organised than you. Most likely to say: ‘Have you remembered the Viking costume for Book Week?’
- If middle son refuses to leave the car, the answer to 5 is – ‘no’.
- Never return home for a forgotten anything. Tantrums, tears and a fear of Miss Whiplock are a normal part of growing up. Helicopter parents stunt their children’s development.
- Don’t make eye-contact with the teacher at drop off/pick up. Let them wait until parents’ evening to tell you how behind, disorganised, badly behaved is your pride and joy.
- Like make-up wearers, beware of anyone smiling. They are on the PTA and want your money, soul, or both.
- Avoid returning home for as long as possible. The house will have been ransacked by demons in the half hour you have been away.
- Strong coffee.